Thursday, February 1, 2007

new life, new love

We have welcomed two new grandbabies to our family this last month--it's so exciting! One girl, and one boy. I have to update my mind to say NINE grandbabies. Yippee!!

We visited one of the new ones at the hospital yesterday, and new dad commented on how tired he was. My daughter (with her six month old) was there and the first thing out of her mouth was, "Get used to it. I haven't slept through the night for six months!" We all chuckled a little bit, but she's right. Almost all new parents have one thing in common: they are exhausted.

It makes me glad that I'm not going home tonight with a new baby. I love my sleep. I've paid my dues, I guess. But it makes me think about how hard it was when the kids were little. I mentioned that I grew up in a conservative church, and they do not believe in using birth control, so naturally many of them have large families. It makes me think about how many tired mothers there are in that church.

I was exhausted, and my kids weren't even as close together as many women's were. It didn't matter that I couldn't afford to take care of them, clothe them, feed them, find time to spend with them instead of passing their care onto the older children in the house, or if I even could provide a bed for each of them and some space of their own. That didn't matter. I still couldn't use birth control. Well, actually I could have, but if they found out...mmm mmm. They believe that if God gives the children, God will provide a way to take care of them. Well, it didn't always work for me. My kids went without things they needed. That still bothers me.

Speaking of the church, I was having a conversation with a friend about the way many of the people there completely cut me out of their lives when I left. She saw it this way: groups like this often stop acknowledging those who leave because if they acknowledge you, in a sense, it gives you some validity. If you have validity, your point of view has to be considered. If your point of view is worth considering, and you believe something different from what they believe, they might have to change if they agree with you. That is the one thing they will not do.

So if you have left one of these churches and people have treated you badly, it very likely isn't personal, although it may very well feel like it. I think it's much more about them than it is about you. This makes more sense to me to think that there is this issue rather than to believe that suddenly just because we have left the group that we have become unlovable, untrustable, and untouchable.

Okay, I don't know how a very exciting topic like new babies got me onto this, but it is what it is. Just think how scary it would be if I let everything out of my brain in one post! Ha!

Anyway, I love being a grandma. Such a cliche, but so true. I was so tired when my kids were little that I was probably just a royal crankypants. Poor kids. :) Now that I'm at this stage and I'm not overwhelmed by the responsibility of so many people to take care of, I enjoy my time with the little ones so much more. As far as the babies are concerned, I find it fascinating that the more lives (people) you have in your family, the more your love grows and expands so it can contain all of those people you care about. Love is vast, immeasurable, and unbounded. I know that also holds true for the families who have many children. I know they are loved. I just think that if the resources are lacking, it can be very difficult. More later.

1 comment:

karen said...

picked an archive because when you land on a blog, you never know what you've missed! also wondering what kind of woman could write such beautiful hope notes. I landed on this post. so lovely. "Love is vast, immeasurable, and unbounded." Indeed it is, dear Daisy. Our love to you, our special friend. -- k&j