Saturday, December 8, 2007

my "to do" list is too long

When did my life turn into one big To Do list? I used to create things, and sew things, and bake things for fun. I used to write in my journal more often, and I wrote poetry. Now? Total opposite. Every hour at home seems like a waste unless I squeeze at least three more tasks into it than seems logistically possible into it. Weekends are just no-win situations. If I work all weekend to get my list of things done, I'm tired and resentful when I go back to work on Monday. If I sleep in and relax, I'm beating myself up Sunday night because I didn't finish any of the things that I wanted to accomplish.

I think it changed when I started working full-time. What ever happened to having time to paint, and scrapbook, and sew, and create? And how about being able to watch Friends without being so tired that I just fall asleep? I see about the first five minutes, and zingo! I'm asleep. Who needs Tylenol PM? I've got a new drug. I've been watching the second disk in Season Three for about two weeks now. Eek finally told me today that she wishes I would just pause it if I'm not going to watch it all the way through, probably because I think she has the entire disk memorized from hearing it so many times.

It just seems like there are so many things that I need to do that I don't seem to be able to keep up with them. Now I have Christmas presents that need to be wrapped starting to stack up at the end of my bed, and in the mornings, when I'm groggy and panicked because I slept through my alarm, I forget they're there. I've stubbed my toes and nearly punctured the bottoms of my feet on the dumb stuff. Then I'm hopping in the dark, I can't see, I can't keep my balance because I'm so tired, and I almost fall into the closet. Out of the darkness, I hear my honey ask, "Are you all right?" I can't even answer him because it's taking all I have just to stay upright.

Why, oh why don't I put the stuff away when it's daylight? Because I can see to get around it just fine, of course! Putting it away is a perfect project for another day! I can see that I'll have to try a different tactic. Tomorrow!

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