Saturday, May 31, 2008

it's all in your perspective

It's here. Today is the day the boys really left. I cried after we hugged and said goodbye, and those sweet boys just came back and hugged me again. I miss them already.

I just feel unsettled, as if my life were sitting inside one of those rock tumblers, bouncing around out of control, being flipped over and over, and getting banged up and bruised by everything flying around inside. It makes me feel like life is kind of scary. Everything seems to be changing this year.

Kids are leaving. Wages aren't keeping up with the cost of living. Au contraire. Groceries keep going up, and gas prices have doubled, but wages have definately not followed suit. And jobs are harder to find...not just for me for this summer, but for everyone I know. The last two summers I had a job without hardly trying. This summer, not so much. It's been two weeks and not even a nibble. Gotta try harder.

I really think I need to find a new permanent job, not just a temporary one, because every summer is going to be the same. I will always need to find a job for three months, and it's not always a for-sure thing.

Johnny said we should be happy that the boys are leaving. Less kids in the house, he said. He's excited because he gets the room to himself, I think. He's the first boy in the house to have his own room since Rob was born, 27 years ago. Wow!

But he's still chomping at the bit to get out of the house, too. Gee is excited about living in the dorm this fall. They all think it's a great deal when one of them "gets out"!

Ai. I'm not so sure.

Think about this, though. Just as the rocks tumbling in the rock polisher come out all bright and shiny, life tumbles us around and wears off our rough edges so we can be all smooth and shiny, too.

I just need to trust. The one thing that I hang on to, the one thing that brings me peace, is my faith. I've learned over and over again that the one constant in my life is my God. If I continue to choose to rest in Him, I know everything will be okay. It might not turn out the way I imagine it, but I know it'll be okay.

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