Thursday, May 29, 2008

sorry isn't the hardest word, goodbye is

The boys are leaving earlier than they originally planned. My sweeties (they're still my sweeties even though they're 20 and 27) are leaving a couple days early. They're taking off Saturday afternoon instead of next Tuesday morning. All of a sudden it's real. It's almost here. A day and a half left.

I have to focus on how excited I am for them that they get to spread their wings and see a little bit more of the world. I don't think momma birds feel like this, or they'd pull out the little flight feathers as soon as they see them sprout. But then the babies would be crippled and would never fly. That would not be good.

I want to make lists for them, and insist that they check them off and do each thing. I want to go shopping and buy everything I think they might need. I'm obsessing again, and I need to let it go. They'll be fine. How come I'm not ready for this? I've done it six times already. You'd think I'd have it down pat already. I think I've forgotten how to do it. :(

I started thinking about happiness, of all things. I think if people depend on having their kids around in order to be happy, they're going to be some crabby old stinkers. Ironically enough, this was in my in-box today: a post on the pursuit of happiness.

You can read it too, if you like, but to sum it up, I need to let go of what I don't have so I can be grateful for what I have, let go of grudges, let go of seeing myself as the center of the universe, and let go of the past and my worries about the future so I can enjoy today.

4 comments:

Smellyann said...

Aw, this made me so sad, especially the title! I'm sorry you're feeling that way. They'll be fine, mama!

LaCresha said...

I've had to say goodbye to both of my sons in the last 2 months. They are in the military and it's hard saying goodbye :'o( Hang in there mom, it will get better, but you will still have moments where you just have to cry. I know I do.

Becky K. said...

Ooooh..I am not looking forward to that part of being a Mom.

Already our 15 year old is anxious to grow up and be out in his own...the 17 year old says he is going to live with us forever...
I'm not sure which is better.

Our 12 year old daughter is going to buy the hosue next door and live right beside us...lol. She already has it all decorated "in her head".

Becky K.

stf (lorna) said...

I hate GOODBYES - of all sorts -