Saturday, July 18, 2009

can a clutterbug change her spots?

Do you think I could get blurry vision from running around like a chicken with my head cut off? I thought, even though everyone keeps telling me not, I thought, that the fewer kids I had at home, the more life would slow down. It's simple math! One 24-hour day, divided up between 11 kids, a husband and me...and sleep, and eating, and working. Crazy busy, right? Now, just a couple of them are home. Piece o' cake, right? NOT.

Do ya think stress wears you out? Yeah, I know. Dumb question. I know it does, but it's like it's hitting me for the first time all over again. Most of my stress is unbloggable because it also has to do with other people, but if you feel so moved, pray about that. Pray about the things that are stressing me. Every single one of them is out of my control, so I have to just keep handing them over to the One in charge.

Even though most of the time there is just one, or sometimes two, of the kids at home, I don't even have enough time and energy to grocery shop AND put groceries away in the same day. We got the majority of the shopping done yesterday and finished it today. I'm still putting the stuff away.

We did go with Pearlie to look at houses today. And I did finish the last few things on my list. But I didn't cook a meal. I didn't wash a dish. I puttered a little bit in the kitchen, putting things away and cleaning up, but other than that, nothing to make me this tired.

I guess it doesn't help that the whole house looks like everything kind of grew and multiplied and exploded out of its normal place. Not that everything had a "normal" place anyway. LOL. We are squishing stuff into every nook and cranny to make room to work, and if all else fails, we just stack it up in the corner.

It is making me CRAZY. I can't rest--I can't relax--I can't even think!

I am trying to take the opportunity to throw things away, to pare down my stuff, and to really think about what I actually want in my house. I'm so tired of the things that I've had in the house for years and years that I'm ready to throw it all away and just have nothing until I find what I want.

Sentimental I am not. At least not very. Only about certain things. Like pictures. And books. And some handmade furniture. But not about junk. But one woman's junk is another woman's treasure. So who's to say?

I'm reading the coolest book by Jill Butler called, Create the space you deserve : an artistic journey to expressing yourself through your home. It tells about her experience of buying a house and recreating it to be her dream house. There are little snippets of other women's stories in there as well, and lots and lots of pictures of her house creating process.

It's giving me some ideas, and she talks about writing down or drawing it the way you envision it. Making a dream book. I've already started one of those. I think it's time to pull out the magazines I've saved and go through them. It's that same concept that Sarah Ban Breathnach used when she created her Illustrated Discovery Journal. If you haven't read her book, Simple Abundance, you ought to check it out from the library. It is fabulous.

Sarah published another book a few years ago, Moving On, and one of the things she said when she was talking about the book really resonated with me.

"I think we, as women," she said, "create homes for our husbands. We create homes for our children. And, as a by-product, we get a bed. I bet if you stopped ten women on the street and asked if they're really comfortable in their homes, most of them would have to admit that there's not much place for them at home, no sanctuary."

That's it, exactly. I've spent so much time trying to make room for everyone's stuff in this teeny tiny place that it feels like there is no space left for me. My room seems full of everyone else's stuff. How does that work?

But as I've been reading the Create Your Space book, I see lots of possibilities for change. A clutterbug truly can change her spots!

I think it's more fun to read about it than it is to do it, but that doesn't really get me very far on this place, now, does it? I'm just impatient to see it finished. It's just like cleaning. Love the results when it's done. Hate the process.

I think there's a character lesson buried somewhere in there, but I'm too tired to find it. LOL. I think a shower and bed would be a better choice. I'll take the book with me and fall asleep reading the first page I look at!


karen said...

I know what that feels like to be utterly depleted inside. When small things are a real effort. When tears fall and that sense of no control becomes hard reality.

It's only when the ground is breaking under me that my determination is broken, my grip slips, and the situation is no longer in my grasp. That's when faith ... becomes hard reality. Faith that no matter what happens, God already knew, and has worked it out in His Eternal view of all things.

Peace & love to you, my dear friend. Prayed for you this evening. xo


Crazy Daisy said...

hang in there. i can completely relate to having so much to say, but nothing i want to share on the blog... we should do lunch soon! :)