Monday, July 2, 2012

spiders! ewww!

It was pretty hot and humid in our neck of the woods yesterday.  I stayed inside most of the day, looking at vegan recipes online, putting groceries away, cleaning up the kitchen, and making some food for today so we can eat a little earlier in the evening.  I got all the dishes done, and by the time bedtime rolled around, I was exhausted.  I brushed my teeth and fell into bed.  That's where things got interesting.  *holding up my sarcasm sign*

So, I'm just on the verge of falling asleep, when from under the covers, I feel this definite tickle on my arm like something just ran across it. I repeat, UNDER THE COVERS, I felt this. There was something under the covers with me.

I completely FREAK out! I leap up out of bed and I’m brushing my arm frantically. Poor Phyl. I’m probably nearly giving him a heart attack because he is asleep already—he flies up out of bed, too. He can’t see anything because it’s dark. “What?? WHAT!! What’s the matter??”

I’m shrieking, “A BUG!! A BUG!! A bug just ran across my arm! Sh*t!! Where is it??” I’m flinging my covers all over to try and see the bed in the dark. (Real logical, right? Like I’m going to see something.)

Phyl, after taking a second to realize that no, we are not under attack from crazed space aliens, staggers over to the switch and turns on the light, and after a second, he goes, “There!” and points at the wall. A very speedy black spider was running like crazy across the wall. My heart almost pounded out of my chest.

I’m screaming and looking for something to kill it with, and he says, “Kill it with your hand!” I smashed it and screamed again cuz I was afraid that either a) I didn’t get it and it fell on the floor somewhere, or b) that I did and I got spider guts on me. It was awful. I finally see it on the side of the mattress, and can’t tell if it is sitting there waiting to crawl on me again, or if it is dead and is stuck to the mattress with its gross little spidey guts.

Phyl hands me a Kleenex to grab it with, and of course, I drop the Kleenex. It falls way over by the wall, and in order to pick it up, I have to practically be eyeball to eyeball with said spider. What a predicament! Shoulda just asked for another Kleenex. Hello. 

Fortunately, the spider is dead. Unfortunately, I feel like his smashed guts are sending out little spider signals to all the other spiders in the room, telling them to come and crawl on me.  You know how when you kill a yellow jacket, all of a sudden, they bombard you from everywhere because when you kill the first one, it releases something that alerts all the other ones?  Like that, only for spiders.

So then, for the next hour and a half, I can’t sleep. Every tickle the blanket makes feels like another bug on me. I want to stay covered up so nothing can crawl on me, but then I’m dying of heat and thinking something is still under the covers with me.  So I flip the covers off, but then I feel like I'm sending out a beacon to any bugs in the room - *meep. meep.  come crawl on me.  meep. meep*  I can't take it.  So I cover up again.  Back and forth.  All night.

It was horrible. It must have been snuggled up under my covers with its speedy little spidey legs. Oh, gross. It creeps me out every time I think about it. So disgusting. Gah! And then I DREAMED about spiders. I did not rest well last night.

I asked Erica this morning if my screaming and pounding on the wall woke her up, and she said didn’t hear a thing. Lucky her. She also informed me that according to something she read online, you are never farther than three feet from a spider. Waahh!! Please oh please, maybe that’s not true. You can’t believe everything you read. It can’t be true.

And what about that statistic that says everyone eats at least a few spiders in their sleep? Yuk. I don’t buy that one at all. No way. I would so know if something crawled on my face. That is just some sadistic creep saying that to gross all of us spider freakies out.

So, how didjy’all sleep last night?

1 comment:

daisymarie said...

I would have been right there screaming with you! In fact I have. Not long ago the scene played almost exactly at my house. Unfortunately, I couldn't go back to sleep in my bed and ended up sleeping in the family room recliner, where there was a different spider only 3ft away from me. My hub heard that stat and was quick to tell me...I could have lived a hundred lifetimes and never needed to know that.